Have you been believing lies about loneliness? The lies we believe are words spoken directly to us or indirect messages we have received—most often coming from our childhood. We can also believe lies about loneliness due to difficult situations we have walked through, such as death, divorce, or abuse. 

Perhaps a parent or spouse left you. Or maybe you experienced significant loss. These can be situations the enemy uses to twist your mind and emotions up in knots, persuading you to come into agreement with lies such as, “My mom left because she didn’t want me,” or “my spouse cheated because I’m worthless.”

The words and lies you believe can cause you to retreat and isolate yourself. 

The emotions you feel are real. They serve a purpose. The problem is the enemy seeks to distort your situation and spiritual reality, so you feel empty, excluded, and alone. When lies about loneliness enter your mind, know they are not from God but rather from the enemy who seeks to kill, steal, and destroy. 

How the Enemy Uses Loneliness

Anything that God wants to use to draw you near, the enemy will use to distract you from Him. The feeling of loneliness is no exception. 

The enemy uses loneliness to…

• Wear you down
• Make you feel defeated
• Get you to isolate
• Cause you to give up

Everyone experiences times of loneliness. This is normal. However, the enemy wants to keep you there. 

He does not want you to…

• Battle
• Pray
• Remember God’s promise that you are never alone
• Reach out to a friend
• Join a community 

Why? 

Because he knows this will bring you out of the darkness and into the light. He knows the list above will cut down the lies about loneliness that have infiltrated your mind. If you were to battle the lies about loneliness, then you would be set free, and he would lose power over your thoughts. 

How the Enemy Uses Loneliness

The enemy takes your loneliness to deeper levels of despair by sneaking in lies of shame, guilt, embarrassment, and disappointment. These cause you to isolate and keep you from moving forward into what God has for you. Use the list below to help you identify some struggles you’ve encountered related to loneliness.  Then, in the next section, discover how to battle. 

Marriage

When Jesus preached about marriage, He said this, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” This statement revealed the enemy’s scheme in marriage—to separate. And what happens when there is emotional, physical, and relational separation? Loneliness. Jesus knew the enemy’s plan was to emotionally and physically separate husband and wife in marriage, and He wanted you to know this plan too. Remember, what God intends for good, the enemy will twist with lies. 

Maybe the lie is you won’t ever be married again or that you should feel ashamed your marriage failed. Or that you should find someone else because your spouse makes you feel lonely. 

Marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church. It’s a picture of His love. If you feel lonely in your marriage and the enemy can get you to act on the lies about loneliness, it’s a few more steps before he can get you to feel God has left you.  

Family and Friends

Perhaps you confided in a family member or friend and shared a heavy burden, and they replied, “Well, I told you that would happen,” or, “I’m sorry,” with little compassion in the statement. You find no consolation in their words. Shame and embarrassment can attach to loneliness.

You might have wanted to pull back and isolate, avoiding that person completely because the words they spoke or didn’t speak left you feeling hurt. Or maybe this hurt kept you from reaching out to anyone about the burden you struggled with.

God’s Word says to spur each other on in love, to bear each other’s burdens. When you feel lonely, the enemy might tell you not to reach out to friends and family because they will only bring hurt. In reality, God wants you to know that your brothers and sisters in Christ are there for you. As Ephesians 4:2-3 says, “…with all lowliness and gentleness, with long suffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”   

Community

In a recent blog, we discussed the importance of “not forsaking the assembling” of meeting together.  Perhaps you've experienced Church hurt or felt as though you were judged when you attended a service. This could have left you feeling lonely, wanting to isolate, and not get involved. As a result, if you attended a new church else, you may have “hid” or “put on a smile” in front of others. Maybe you feared your authentic self wouldn't be welcomed.

Sadly, many of us have felt this. If you've felt lonely and thought, “No one will accept the real me,” it is likely that lies of shame and insecurity are attached to loneliness. The enemy does not want us to gather and be authentic about our struggles because, as Jesus said, when two or three are gathered in His name, He is there. The enemy knows the power of Jesus and does not want believers to know or walk in the truth that will set them free from shame and insecurity.  

How to Battle the Lies 

First, see loneliness through God’s eyes. We live in a broken world with broken people. But God is there.

God wants you to see loneliness as a time to lean into Him as He…

• Prepares you for the next season
• Recharges you as you find rest in Him
• Hears you in your distress, and you meditate on His promises

Loneliness and isolation are the places where Satan’s lies take root. There is a difference between alone time with the Lord and feeling lonely. Still, God wants you to see loneliness as an opportunity to get quiet with Him so He can speak to you personally about what you need to do to overcome. 

Battle the Lie

Be honest with God and yourself about the feeling. Write down the lie on a sheet of paper or keep a journal. 

The enemy wants you to take the feeling of loneliness and attach the narrative: 

You are…

• Undeserving
• Unwanted
• Unnecessary
• Unseen
• Unheard

…Jesus wants to give you a new script: You cannot be separated from His unfailing love (Romans 8:35-39). 

Ways to Battle 

• Using God’s Word

In your journal, beside the lie, write a verse or passage that states the exact opposite of the lie. Examples below…

Undeserving—Ephesians 2:4-9

“But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.”

Unwanted and unnecessary—Ephesians 1:5-12

“…having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence, having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself, that in the dispensation of the fullness of the times He might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven and which are on earth—in Him. In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory.”

Unseen and unheard— Psalm 34:4-6

“I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed. This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.”

• Praying Scripture

Take the Bible verses above and turn them into prayers. Find others that speak to your heart and place of loneliness and pray for them. Write them in your journal. 

• Worshiping

Worship is important and a powerful battle cry when it comes to fighting lies about loneliness. Find our playlist on Spotify or check out some of our worship songs during Worship Wednesdays on Facebook here. Play them in your car or turn them on in the privacy of your own home and sing them to the Lord!

• Joining a Community

Along with God’s Word, community is one of the most powerful weapons against the lies about loneliness. You can get lost in your thoughts: we all can. This is why it is critical to have sound and wise accountability partners and friends who can come alongside you during your journey. God never intended for you to be alone. He wants you to be in community because there is protection in community. 

The Bible describes Satan as a roaring lion walking around seeking what he may devour. The lion typically attacks the one who is isolated. Let a community of believers pour into you and cover you with prayers of protection.

Your Past Doesn’t Define You

The Lord wants you to know that your past—the words someone spoke to you, the lies you believed as a child, the situations you had to walk through—is not your present.

The enemy wants loneliness to paralyze you. He wants to steal your joy, peace, motivation, passion, and relationships. But God gives you ways to battle using His Word, praying, worshiping, and joining a community of others walking a similar struggle.

Your past is not bigger than your God. Let your Creator define you. Draw near to Him in your sorrow, pain, and loneliness, and allow His Word to wash over you and renew your mind.